


Letting me love you

by Ignis_Eros



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Derek Hale Deserves Nice Things, Derek Hale is a Softie, Derek found family, Derek worries, Deviates From Canon, Everyone Is Alive, Everyone Loves Stiles Stilinski, Found Family, Gen, Hurt Stiles Stilinski, One Shot, Sterek if you squint, Stiles Stilinski is a Nice Thing, Teen Wolf, because I said so, sterek, stiles is soft, stiles stilinski loves everyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:41:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28873260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ignis_Eros/pseuds/Ignis_Eros
Summary: Derek didn’t mean to be watching Stiles so closely. He hadn’t meant to become so obsessed with Stiles touch, to become obsessed with his affection but he had. He wanted to be drowned it that love and feel it consume his soul.But it seemed that Derek was never meant to be loved, to be cared for. Because that touch, that damned touch, was never meant for him.-A fic that has been taking up space in my docs for months and sits in my brain all day.Ta-da
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Vernon Boyd/Erica Reyes
Comments: 2
Kudos: 60





	Letting me love you

Derek had never met anyone like Stiles Stilinski. Most nights when he finally collapsed into bed he thought that he had somehow been cursed to have Stiles running amok in his life, bringing disaster after disaster. Ironically though Stiles was usually the only one who could solve his messes. Somehow managing to think quickly while they were being mauled and saving their asses with a perfectly timed snarky comment.   
  
Tonight was one of those situations, another pack had wandered into the territory and they had gone to try peacefully solve the situation. However, one of them made a jab at Stiles' lanky frame and humanity causing Stiles to defend himself the way he knew best. Talking.   
  
“You really don’t know how to keep your mouth shut do you?” Issac hissed as he tossed a glare at Stiles making the human sheepishly scratch the back of his neck.   
  
Stiles slowly moved to sit next to Issac, carefully pulled his legs up onto the couch and rested his knees against Issac. Issac let out a sigh and draped his arm over Stiles’ knees, the two of them letting out relieved breaths as they lay against one another. 

Derek felt his eyebrow raise and looked between the two of them, feeling confusion settle in his chest as the tension between them suddenly dissolved. How Stiles managed to make people forgive him so easily, himself included, Derek would never understand. It seemed that a single touch from the human eased pain faster than any supernatural ability could.   
  
As the night wore on Derek found himself glancing back at Stiles and Isaac. It seemed that Stiles forever jittery frame came to a rest and Isaac’s shoulders, usually taut with fear, seemed to sag with relief. Both of them content while they touched one another, solaced that the other was there, that the other was safe.   
  
Derek was shaken out of his thoughts as Scott announced it was time for him and Stiles leave and Derek watched as Stiles left a lingering hand on Isaac’s shoulder, a quiet huff leaving the humans chest as he shared a smile with Issac before slowly walking away.   
  
Derek stepped to Issac’s side and watched as some tension bled back into the younger man, his fingers twisting into the hem of his shirt then straightening it out then repeating the twisting movement again.   
  
“I’m glad he’s okay,” Issac muttered as he stared into the empty corridor before spinning on his heel and walking away.

Derek let out a hum and watched Issac, seeing that he worry had begun to flood through him all because Stiles had left, because he had almost been hurt tonight.

Stiles was truly something unexpected and continually fascinating. 

A few weeks later Derek found himself and his wolves in another predicament, a stray hunter this time who seemed to be fuelled with a vengeance that had Derek wondering if he was under some supernatural influence. However the four of them dealt with it and Derek was grateful that he managed to get Stiles to remain at home, that Stiles for once hadn’t been hurt by the ‘big bad of the week’ as he so eloquently put it.   
  
There were a few scrapes, healing bones and all-consuming tiredness that had taken over all of them and in their exhaustion it seemed that they had wandered to Stiles’ home rather than to the bare, cold loft.   
  
“Come on,” Derek muttered and turned away from the door finding only Stiles’ car parked in the driveway causing a silent war in his mind. 

Knowing that Stiles was the only one here he would let them in, would check on their wounds and comfort his betas in a way he couldn’t, however, the human deserved to sleep for one full night.   
  
Erica seemed to have other plans. She let out a loud groan behind him and began pounding on the door making Derek let out a hiss and rush to pull her away. The door was quickly pulled open before them revealing a frazzled Stiles.   
  
“Oh thank god.” Stiles immediately lunged at Erica, pulling her tightly against him and tucking his head firmly against her neck.   
  
Derek found that disorienting feeling return to his chest again as he smelt Stiles’ sour anxiety ebb away, replaced with cottony relief. How one human could worry so much about a group of super-healing werewolves made no sense to him. It was quite hard for them to be seriously injured and Stiles knew this but it seemed to bring him no peace.   
  
Stiles slowly pulled away from Erica, his hand trailing down her arm and carefully circling around her wrist.   
  
“You guys look terrible, come in I’ll get you something to eat.” Stiles gave them a weak smile and walked inside, Derek slowly trailed after them, his skin prickling nervously.   
  
Derek turned to Stiles, feeling his stomach flip, as a small smile spread over his face and closed the door behind them. Stiles let out a heavy breath, a shaking hand reaching out for him but quickly being shoved into his pockets. Stiles slipped past him and Derek let out a painful breath, glancing down his arm and finding his hand reaching out into the empty space Stiles left.   
  
Derek slowly wandered after him, staring at his palm, wondering what Stiles' hand wrapped around his would feel like. Did he have soft palms from not being a creature of the night or were they rough from lacrosse?  
  
Erica placed a hand on his hip and Derek found himself looking down at her, she gave him a tired smile and pulled gently on his wrist making him collapse onto the couch. She let out a small snort and shuffled away from him slightly as he sank back into the worn cushions.   
  
A crinkling of a bag caught Derek’s attention making him tip his head to the side, watching as Stiles wandered into the room with a bag of chips between his teeth, bottles of water tucked between his arms and a pizza box in his hands.   
  
Isaac scoffed and pushed himself out of his chair grabbing two bottles from Stiles along with pulling the chips from his mouth. Stiles then turned to them and passed a bottle to Erica and offered one to Derek, Derek gave him a smile and reached out for the bottle, fingers grazing Stiles’.   
  
Stiles quickly pulled away and ran a hand on the back of his neck, taking a few steps away from him. Derek felt as if his fingers were tingling and glanced to his hand, rubbing the fingers that had touched his together. Stiles skin was gentle.   
  
“If you guys want you can take a shower, you kinda look like shit.” Stiles let out an awkward chuckle which broke out into a wide smile as Erica flipped him off.   
  
Boyd let out a small huff and moved out the room, slowly ascending the stairs as Stiles moved to sit in the seat Boyd just occupied. Derek looked around the room and smiled as the pack settled down and closed their eyes, their weariness catching up with them.   
  
“Care to explain what happened?” Erica let out a whine but began talking anyway only stopping when Boyd came downstairs and sluggishly leaving to shower herself.   
  
Isaac took over where Erica left off but Derek and Boyd cut in regularly, fixing the story as Issac left out embarrassing moments about himself making the blond duck his head. Eventually, Erica returned, dressed in one of Stiles Star Wars shirts, and sat down beside Boyd and Derek. Issac let out a huff and quickly left the room, a blush tinting his cheeks.   
  
Between the three of them, they finished the story and Derek noticed that Stiles hands, which were laced together tightly, were white, his shoulders tense and face a careful neutral. His scent gave him away, however, the room was filled with Stiles smoky worry and Derek felt a peaceful feeling settle in him.   
  
Stiles was so worried for them and he seemed desperate to check on them himself but was holding back.   
  
Issac slowly entered the room and let out a loud yawn as he dropped back into his seat, throwing out an arm and resting it on Stiles’ forearm. Stiles looked to Issac and let a sigh, resting his hand on his and squeezing gently.   
  
Derek quietly stood to leave but felt himself stop in the doorway, he let out a small sigh and turned back to Stiles, giving what he hoped was a soft smile.   
  
“We’re all right Stiles, you don’t need to worry anymore.” Stiles looked to him, his cheeks flushing red as he returned the smile and nodded his head.   
  
Derek felt a blush creeping up his skin and quickly left, hearing Stiles call out for him to check the bottom drawer in his room.   
  
Derek tried to shower quickly but spent far too long scrubbing at his neck and cheeks which were still warm from Stiles' smile. Derek was an adult, there was no reason for him to be blushing like some love-struck teen.   
  
He eventually made his way to Stiles' room and checked the bottom drawer as he was instructed and found himself face to face with an entire drawer of larger shirts. Shirts that would fit him and were in the colour range that he exclusively wore.   
  
His skin quickly heated up again as he picked up one of the shirts and found that there were also a few different pant options below them. He swallowed thickly and brought the shirt to his face, hiding his blush from himself but it only seemed to get worse as Stiles usual coffee and old paper scent drowned him.   
  
Stiles had bought him shirts and pants and then kept them with him. He kept spare clothes so he could help Derek.   
  
He quickly got dressed and felt a giddy smile set on his face, he didn’t know why it was there but the idea of Stiles trying to take care of him in his own small way made Derek feel warm in a way he hadn’t in a long time.   
  
Walking back into the lounge Derek looked to Stiles, who had moved to take his seat and had Erica resting her head on his lap, fingers running through her hair. He seemed far calmer than he had before and as he looked to Derek he gave an easy smile and looked him up and down, his cheeks tinting red again. Derek cleared his throat of the tightness that had suddenly appeared and offered a smile back.   
  
“Why do you have a drawer filled with new clothes that are too big for you?” Stiles' blush deepened and his hand fell still in Erica’s hair making her glance up to him.   
  
Stiles let out a shaky breath and looked away from Derek, suddenly very fascinated with the way Erica’s hair draped across him.   
  
“Well you seem to get hurt too often for my liking and usually your house is too far away so I got some clothes for you in case you ever needed to change.” Stiles quickly shut his mouth after he spoke and kept his eyes averted from Derek.   
  
Derek saw Issac giving him a smug look out the corner of his eye and scowled at the younger wolf and moved to stand by Stiles, resting a hand on his shoulder and momentarily startled him.   
  
“Thank you, I really appreciate it.” Stiles looked up to him then and his eyes softened as he rested his own hand on Derek’s.   
  
“All good Derek, I just want to help you however I can.” Butterflies quickly swarmed in Derek’s stomach and the urge to hug Stiles flooded through him.   
  
But if Stiles was startled by his touch he would have to hold off on hugging him, but maybe he could have that same easy affection with him that everyone else got.   
  
After that night Derek found himself watching Stiles more often, watching the way he touched others and perused that touch in return.   
  
On a few occasions when he found himself in the station with Stiles after a rough night for the sheriff, or them, he watched the way Stiles would pull the sheriff in for a hug. How tightly they clung to one another as if it would be the last time they saw each other rather than the idea that they would see each other for breakfast. How Noah would clasp the back of Stiles’ neck if he was worried he was about to get hurt and needed to feel that his son was real, that his son was safe and healthy. And it seemed that Stiles needed that touch also, needed to know his father was with him, would try to protect him.   
  
Stiles' touch with Scott was different. Derek hadn’t realized how often the two of them were touching, whether it be in a playful manner or in pure relief that the other was alright. But there always seemed to be a hand attached to the other as if they were stuck together. Even when they were busy having a tiff with each their shoulders would touch or their ankles would meet on the floor. Most often one of them would have an arm draped over a shoulder, keeping the two of them side by side through everything.   
  
When it came to the girls of their mismatched group Stiles would envelop them. He would hold them close and sturdy when they need a hug, lay their head in his lap and run soft fingers through their hair, would place a hand on their back when they need support rather than protection and affirm them with his words.   
  
The boys he’d be a bit rougher with, giving shoves and clapping hands onto backs and shoulders. When they needed to be cared for, however, he could be just as gentle. As if he was worried he could break them and so he would copy his father by placing a gentle hand on the back of their necks as if to ground himself. And exactly like the first night, Derek noticed Stiles’ need to touch, he’ll rest against them, leaving arms and legs draping across them and provide warmth.   
  
But just as much as Derek noticed Stiles touching others, he also noticed his lack of touch. He would see Stiles reach out a hand for him but quickly pull away as if he’s been burned. His scent turning peppery, as if touching him hurts more than comforting him could. And that touch that he once felt happy to notice, the touch that comforts their friends he now feels an ugly jealousy pool in his chest. He feels it thrash against his ribs and he wants to scream why not him, why does he never deserve to hold and be held.   
  
“Derek are you all right?” Derek glanced around himself, pulling himself from his thoughts and found that he was in the forest, laying on his back and looking up at Stiles and the canopy of trees.

Stiles was kneeling above him, a hand reaching out, hovering just out of reach. Derek let out a groan and rolled onto his side, feeling everything spin around him.   
  
“Hold on wolfman, you got seriously hurt.” Stiles' hand was now on his shoulder and Derek felt himself stiffen, Stiles was touching him.   
  
Derek glanced at him and found that Stiles was stiff also, but he seemed relieved. Derek shifted again and Stiles quickly pulled his hand away, a sudden panic taking him over.   
  
Derek felt his own panic rise in his throat and he shuffled over, laying his head in Stiles’ lap. Stiles sucked in a sharp breath above him and hesitantly lay his hand in his hair. Derek let out a sigh and tucked his head close to Stiles’ stomach and swore he could feel butterflies through his skin.   
  
“You okay?” Stiles muttered softly as he began running his hand through his hair.   
  
Derek let out a hum and tucked himself closer to Stiles. He didn’t care if the wolves saw, he finally had Stiles’ touch, he had his care and attention and he didn’t give a damn if they were going to make fun of him for it.   
  
Stiles let out a soft chuckle above him and as his body relaxed, warm vanilla and cotton began surrounding them, a scent that Derek had only ever smelt when Stiles was truly content.   
  
Glancing back up at him Stiles gave him a warm smile, cheeks tinted a soft red, the same red that only ever seemed to appear under Derek’s gaze.   
  
“Have you been wanting to comfort me?” Derek swore at himself as the words slipped out and Stiles hand momentarily stilled but continued its soft brushing as he glanced away.   
  
“I always want to help you Derek, but I don’t want to push any boundaries. I respect you too much so I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Stiles stole a glance at him and Derek let out another hum, tucking his head back into Stiles' stomach.   
  
“I’d like it if we did this, but you don’t have to touch me if you don’t want to.”   
  
“I always want to touch you, wait, that sounds bad.” Stiles blurted out and Derek found himself chuckling but his own heart had begun racing.  
  
The two of them fell silent and Derek took the opportunity to flex his joints, an ache was running through his body but he could feel himself slowly healing.   
  
“I noticed you like touching people, like contact with others.” Stiles let out a small hum and Derek looked up to him and felt his eyes flutter shut as Stiles ran his hand over his cheek.   
  
“Yeah, it’s comforting I guess, just like that people feel safe with me.” Derek slowly pushed himself up and heard Stiles let out a quiet whine.   
  
He shook his head fondly and wobbled to his feet, Stiles quickly standing with him and putting his arms out in preparation if Derek was going to fall. Derek carefully grabbed one of Stiles' wrists and pulled him close, the young human latching onto him and tucking his head in Derek’s shoulder.   
  
Derek had never realized that he and Stiles were practically the same height but with his head tucked into his neck and his breath fanning over his skin he began wondering what other similarities they shared.   
  
“Can we go home?” Derek felt as if he could melt, he leaned back from him and found himself looking at a worn-out Stiles.   
  
“Yeah let’s go home.” Erica and the boys shuffled from whatever shadow they were hiding in and carefully draped hands against him.   
  
Their smiles looking relieved and smug but Derek couldn’t bring himself to care about what they thought, he was finally receiving that easy love that Stiles gave and he was not gonna let anyone take that from him.   
  
But Stiles was not only giving that love, but he was also teaching him how to return it.   
  
For once they had a calm week, nothing trying to kill them, school had gone well, they had won their lacrosse game, all in all, it was a great week. So to celebrate they wolves decided to take over the loft with blankets, food and movies making Derek shake his head fondly as they jabbed, wrestled and shoved themselves into place.   
  
Derek looked over the group and smiled, the bare loft was full of warmth, happiness and family making Derek’s heart race and stomach flip.   
  
“Hurry up Derek.” Stiles gave him a large yet soft smile, a smile that had become common lately and seemed to be reserved for him.   
  
Derek shook his head again and noticed that there was no space on any of the seats, but a blanket was lain out on the floor just in front of Stiles so Derek sat between his legs. A hand quickly made its way into his hair and Derek felt everything in him melt, the touch which he thought was only for when he was hurt seemed to be able to be given to him at any point.   
  
There was a quiet chuckle above him and a small shove with a leg but nothing else was said as Stiles ran his hand through Derek’s hair, occasionally drifting down his neck to his shoulders and back up again. Derek let out a hum and rested his head on Stiles’ thigh, fighting to keep his eyes open but it seemed Stiles was more charmed than they thought as Derek fell asleep, his dreams quiet and peaceful for the first time in a long time.   
  
A gentle tap on his shoulder caused him to wake and he found himself looking at Peter, a gentle smile on his face and love in his eyes that he hadn’t seen in a long time. The past loved to haunt them both.   
  
“I thought you might want to lie down rather than wake up sore.” Peter quietly told him, leaving just as quickly as Derek assumed he came.  
  
Derek moved to stretch but felt a hand tighten in his shirt, he glanced down and found a hand draped over his chest and followed it up and over his shoulder where Stiles was laying on the couch one arm tucked under his head the other laying warmly over Derek.   
  
Derek smiled and carefully pulled himself out of the embrace and lay a few blankets over Stiles, making sure to tuck him in warmly.   
  
A sudden bold feeling settled into his chest and taking a quick glance around he found that the lounge was empty and Derek placed a small kiss on the crown of Stiles’ head and fled the room.   
  
How one person could make him feel so much love truly startled him.   
  
After that night Derek found himself reaching out to the others, hoping he could convey as much love and care as Stiles did. He began gently laying a hand on Boyd’s shoulder watching him turn around and give the briefest of smiles before returning to his task.   
  
With Issac he would ruffle his hair or wrestle with him, feeling pride swell through him at seeing that large grin settles on the blond's face.   
  
For Erica it took a few tries to figure out what felt comfortable, he tried the shoulder touch but she seemed too stiff, he never dared attempt to touch the hair which she so perfectly formed and when it came to wrestling she only did it when necessary, choosing to do so when it came to fighting anyone who tried to hurt the people she loved. But she reminded him so much of his sisters that he found himself letting her take the lead, which seemed to result in her draping herself over him. He remembered that night in Stiles home where she lay her head in Stiles lap and she seemed content there. So he started lifting her legs and placing them over his lap when they sat next to one another, she then lay her head on his shoulder and once she felt comfortable with his contact she lay her head in his lap, tucking herself close to his body.   
  
He remembered this, how much he loved holding and being held. How much he wanted to show his love because he had always been less expressive with his words than he wanted to be. He had forgotten that sometimes people just wanted to be around him, to feel his warmth without expecting anything further than that. He was finally able to open himself up all because of Stiles overwhelming love.   
  
But it always seemed that when something was going well that someone always wanted to take away any good thing he had.   
  
“Stiles?” Derek felt his heart thundering in his chest as he ran.   
  
There was smoke billowing in the distance and Derek felt fear building in his lungs. Stiles had once described what a panic attack felt like to him. How it felt as if he was suffocating yet also breathing in all the air surrounding him.   
  
He had lost one family to fire, he would not let it happen again.   
  
“Stiles.” His name left Derek’s mouth in a gasp as he looked at the scene before him.   
  
Stiles tied to a post, blood pouring down his cheek as flames licked at his heels and hunters smiling smugly at him.   
  
“You get Stiles, we’ll deal with them.” Erica was growling beside him, eyes burning gold and vengeance set in her grin.   
  
Derek looked behind him and gave a nod to pack then watched as they ran past him, tackling, clawing and striking at whoever they could.   
  
Derek ran towards the flames, shoving down that all to familiar fear that was tearing at his lungs. He didn’t have time to fear his past, to fear the imaginative ghosts of his family, not when Stiles was right here and right in front of him.   
  
Leaping through the fire Derek quickly began cutting the ropes, catching Stiles as he fell and cradling him to his chest the smell of the gasoline burning through his nose and chest.   
  
Stiles let out a groan against him as Derek moved them away from the fire, gently laying him in the grass and putting the fire behind them.   
  
“Is he all right?” Derek glanced up to Allison, letting out a relieved breath as she laid out a small kit beside him.   
  
“I think so, I got this.” She gave him a sharp nod and quickly moved away, knives held strongly in her hands and bow at her back.   
  
“Stiles, Stiles I need you to wake up.” Derek carefully pat Stiles cheek, wincing as Stiles let out a hiss and weakly opened his eyes.   
  
“Where does it hurt?” Stiles let out a groan and rolled into his side, curling tightly in on himself.   
  
Derek felt just stomach drop as the smell of salt began seeping through the air, Stiles was hurt and crying. No one was allowed to hurt Stiles.   
  
Derek felt a growl build up in his chest and spun around to face the fighting causing a nearby hunter to run at him. The man was slow and Derek felt an animalistic glee course through his body as he began hitting him.   
  
The short man tried to stab at him but with a quick step to the side and a well-aimed hit the blade went tumbling out of his hands, a gun then took its place and Derek grabbed at the man's wrist and pulled him forward the other hand striking the mans jaw making him collapse in a heap in the ground.   
  
Derek snarled at the unconscious body and started to turn away but let out a gasp as a bullet tore through his chest. He felt himself fall and tried to gasp in air but all he could feel was his lungs fighting against him, pushing out any strangled breaths he managed.   
  
“You’re dead, mutt.” Derek found himself at the end of a barrel and tried to fight back a sob that was working its way up to his throat.   
  
He had only found family now, he had finally made peace with his past, made peace with his innocence. Had finally found something and someone to fight for, he didn’t want to let it go now.   
  
A shot rang out and Derek closed his eyes tightly, holding his breath and waiting for the release of life and tranquillity of death. But his lungs still ached, his body still felt too itchy with unused adrenaline and a heartbeat was thundering in his ears.   
  
“Derek?” Derek opened his eyes and with a groan rolled onto his side seeing Stiles standing, pain pulling at his features and splattered blood coating his skin.   
  
Derek wobbled to his feet and took a step towards Stiles who in turn took a step back.   
  
“Stiles.” Derek’s voice sounded strained in his ears as he slowly moved towards him, watching as Stiles looked to his hands and back up to him.   
  
“It’s okay Stiles.” Derek was a step away now, he put out a hand and wrapped it around Stiles’ wrist, closing the distance between them.   
  
Stiles swayed forward slightly as Derek took his trembling hands in his, gently taking the gun from him and tossing it somewhere into the tree line.   
  
“He was gonna kill you. He would have hurt you, I,” Stiles let out a sob and fell to his knees, “I killed him.”   
  
Derek sat in front of him and opened his arms causing Stiles to finally focus on him and let out another choked cry as he collapsed into Derek’s chest.   
  
Derek heard as the pack began clearing everything around them but focussed on holding Stiles tightly as he sobbed and winced.   
  
“You did what you had to.”  
  
“We’re not murderers.” Stiles snapped, hands digging tightly into Derek’s shirt and tucking his head firmly into his neck.   
  
“No we’re not, neither are you. You saved me, you saved yourself. This was self-defence, Stiles.” Stiles let out another sob against him but this time he began evening out his breaths, shuddering with pain with every deep breath.   
  
“You’ll be okay Stiles. I’m here, we’re all here.” Stiles nodded and Derek felt a scowl pull at his face as the gasoline once again burned through his system, he couldn’t smell the paper or cotton that he had become used to and desperately sought out.   
  
“Let’s go home.” Derek carefully helped Stiles stand and reluctantly let him go as Scott pulled Stiles into his arms, as much as Derek wanted to hold Stiles he knew now was not the time to throw a jealousy fit.   
  
The two of them slowly walked away, Allison joining them and checking over Stiles herself and Derek held his head high to fight off the anxious feeling in his chest. He now understood what Issac felt like that night.   
  
Erica, Boyd and Issac tiredly shuffled over to him and he gave them the best smile he could, but his heart was aching. He could have lost Stiles, innocent, intelligent, incredible Stiles.   
  
Derek was shaken out of his thoughts as a hand rested on his arm and he found himself looking at a teary-eyed Erica. He let out a heavy breath and pulled her into his chest, feeling her hands cling onto his shoulders as she let out hiccuping breaths into his neck.   
  
They all could have lost Stiles.   
  
As the night wore on Derek found himself restless, his skin seemed to be crawling and he thought that his soul was trying to tear itself out of his chest and disappear somewhere in the night.   
  
The feeling eventually won out and he found himself running in the dark, feeling that his itching skin was slowly calming and completely disappeared as he pulled his body through a window, looking at a sleeping Stiles.   
  
Stiles was alive, he knew that already but that didn’t stop the ache in his chest at not being with him. He supposed this was what it was like to love again. To know rationally that everything was fine, that the person was fine but not being able to be with them and confirm they were fine by hearing every breath didn’t stop the pain and the thoughts.   
  
Derek let out a sigh as he moved to the bedside, watching as Stiles tossed and turned and muttered under his breath, pleas leaving his lips and tears occasionally falling from his eyes.   
  
“Stiles.” Stiles' eyes snapped open and his heartbeat raced loudly against his ribs and Derek found himself sinking to the floor, looking in Stiles’ eyes and holding his hands carefully.   
  
“You’re all right.” Stiles let out a heavy breath and shook his head, counting momentarily before focusing on Derek again.   
  
“What are you doing here?” Stiles shuffled upright in bed and Derek moved to sit next to him, glancing over him and noticing blooming bruises.   
  
“I needed to see you, I can’t help how worried I’ve been.” Derek studied Stiles momentarily, many emotions quickly flowing over his face before settling on a small smile.   
  
“I’ve been worried about you too, I dreamed about you dying and,” Stiles quickly cut himself off as he glanced at his palms and Derek took those shaking hands into his, holding them tighter this time. 

The two of them fell silent as Stiles ran eyes over Derek’s skin, obviously trying to convince himself that Derek was fine. The same way Derek had done when he first climbed into the room. 

“Can I stay?” Stiles' eyes flicked up to him and he began hurriedly nodding his head as he made room on the bed.   
  
Derek chuckled softly and tucked himself in between Stiles and the wall, letting Stiles drape himself over him however he wanted. Like this Derek’s face was at the crown of Stiles' head and Stiles was tucked into his shoulder and neck, soft breaths fanning over his skin.   
  
That boldness that had overwhelmed Derek weeks ago seemed to come back and with everything the two had been through tonight, Derek let himself kiss Stiles head gently, feeling Stiles lips as he smiled against him and pressed a careful kiss to his shoulder. A warmth flooded through him and Derek fought off the urge to squeeze Stiles tightly because god forbid he hurt him any more than he was.   
  
“You’ve been watching me.” Derek felt himself startle and glanced downwards, seeing those inquisitive brown eyes looking back at him.   
  
“Maybe.” A smile spread over Stiles' face and a warm laugh left his lips making the momentary tension leave Derek’s body.   
  
“Why?” Derek looked away from Stiles as he thought, he could lie but that seemed pointless, because of Stiles Derek had learned to love and allow love to be given to him, he might as well thank the man for it.   
  
“Because I noticed the way you easily give affection. At first, it confused me, how you could give away something like that so simply and wholeheartedly but I saw how it brought you and others comfort so I tried to ignore my feelings. But then I realised you never shared that touch with me and it left me pained and angry so I reached out, I took a chance and clung to you and you gave me that same simple love you gave others and it turned my world upside down.” Derek glanced down to Stiles again and found himself face to face with his awe, love, and his heart.   
  
“By watching you I learned how much I missed being touched, comforted and giving that love in return. How much peace and warmth I had missed because I always felt that people could only treat me that way if they needed something. But you have never needed anything from me, except for me to be me and because of you I have found family again, love again, peace again. There is no way for me to thank you for everything you have done Stiles, but thank you.” A hand gently rested on his cheek and Derek closed his eyes, feeling Stiles wipe away a stray tear from his cheek.   
  
“You’re welcome.” Derek felt Stiles shift against him and a soft, warm kiss be pressed to the corner of his mouth leaving him breathless.   
  
“And thank you, for letting me love you.”


End file.
